Mu and Fu's adventures: the curse of the thingy
by Thefremen
Summary: Humorous, but action packed! Will the two wacky theivessins defeat Fu's step mothermu's future mother in law? Does anyone actually care? Frank Herbert style violence found within. Many thanks to Fu person for editing.


From: "Scott Snell" To: Subject: shit.....ok, now THIS is the whole damn thing. :P sorry!  
Date: Thursday, July 15, 2004 12:14 PM

"Hon I'm really not sure if we can get away with this, these people are rich as hell, and prideful. The same kind of people who aren't above putting a price on someone's head for the slightest infraction. I just think this is too dangerous." "This coming from the guy who not more than a day past was killing a ten foot tall tiger who stood upright and smoked from a pipe? Hah!" "Well, if you really must eat well tonight, then I suppose we shall do this." Muad'Dib said as he kissed Taffi-Fu on the cheek and gave her a small hug. "All right sweety pie, I'm the smaller one so I'll go in through the window then unlock the deadbolt for ya. Give me a boost, would ya hon?" she said as she strained upwards with her arms in the air.  
Muad'Dib picked her up by the waist and lifted her until she got her arms on the ledge and could pull herself in through the open window. She squirmed through the tiny opening, sitting on the sill on the other side. She took a quick look around to make sure noone was stirring, and seeing no signs of human activity, she decided it was safe to make a cat like leap to the ground.  
Unlocking the door and opening it for him, Taffi whispered "See hon,  
noone is up, no guard dogs, no one's gonna know.. or miss their salami." She giggled softly.  
Muad'Dib answered, "Please stay quiet, my dear, this home invasion thing can be tricky. Especially, when you leave the victims alive." He said as he strapped on his katars.  
"What the hell are you putting those on for? We don't kill people when we do this, these people are most likely decent folk, just privileged." "Yes, but even decent folk can be dangerous when you wake them up in the middle of the night by invading their home, this is to ensure our safety as well as theirs." Muad'Dib gave a little sigh. For all the time that his beloved had been under his tutelage, she was still so naive at times.  
"I suppose you are right, this time." She said as she slid towards the kitchen, heading for the cabinet which housed the food, certainly filled with some gouda, pepperoni, and salami. As she began stuffing the meats and cheese in a sack, a glitter on the mantle in the next room brought Muad'Dib's attention that way. "Oh, looks expensive, perhaps this isn't just a waste of time", he thought to himself, slinking through the shadows.  
The glittery object was of Gold, or something like gold, an amulet depicting a snake eating it's own tail, a symbol of infinity and immortality to some. To Muad'Dib, the amulet was a sign of Zeny and nothing more. An easy score, something which is not often found.  
"Sweety what are you doing in there?" "Oh nothing, I just found something which may have been worth finding." He answered in hushed tones as he slid the amulet in his hip pack with the silver goblets he had found in the kitchen.  
"Sweety, are you ready to get going now? I think it might be a good idea to get moving before these people wake up…." "Sounds like a plan, hon, besides-- I want to leave some of this stuff behind... It would be bad manners to leave them with an empty pantry in the morning, I don't want them to starve in the morning, after all." "So sweet of you, honey. It's a good thing we didn't have to slit their throats, that would be bad manners indeed", he said as he kissed her on her rosy lips.  
"Teehee, yes, very bad manners indeed, now let's split!" With that, they slinked back into the alley and ran off in silence with their delectable meats and cheeses, hoping that their pilfered trinkets would proove to be delightful and valuable.  
Chapter 2  
"Oooooo, it feels so good resting up against you, dear. And this fire is lovely and warm as well", Taffi exclaimed as they sat, her nestled against him, her head resting on Muad'dib's well toned chest. Their campfired crackled cheerfully, giving the scattered loot and half eaten cheese spread around them a golden glow.  
"This is perfect, your warm body next to mine. If I had my way we would never move from this spot, we would never leave each other's arms." Muad'Dib whispered it gently into her ear as he reached around with both of his muscular arms and hugged her closely.  
"You're such a sweetheart, I love you, honey!" Taffi turned around,  
wrapping her legs around him and kissing him hard, opening mouths and receiving each other's tongue. What happened next was what always tends to happen when two lovers embrace and kiss in such a manner  
The next morning they decided to do some shopping, and perhaps a bit of stealing if the opportunity arose. The hamlet of New Brunswick was known for its fat purses and soft towners. At any rate, Muad'Dib had no intention of trying to sell his amulet so soon, at least not in the same town where he had just stolen it. He considered instant gratification somewhat amaturish. "By God-poring, you say this happened in the middle of the night?" "No in the early morn what do you think? It's astounding the curs were not spotting by anyone, they must be assassins of some skill to do such a deed and get away with it, not to mention overturning everything in the house without so much as a peep!" Two good townsfolk were talking,  
quite excitedly of some happenings the night before, obviously the mention of assassins raised Muad'Dib, and Taffi-Fu's interest.  
"The hell do you mean, must be assassins? Every time someone keels over you people always blame it on assassins! YOU JERKS! Might have been some a mage or even one of those damn hunters! You wish to settle this matter with fisticuffs, good sir?!" Taffi was shouting at the men, and Muad'Dib did not attempt to restrain her. As quick as she was to cool, she was even quicker to anger. Best not to get in her way when she got like this, he decided as he tipped his hat down.  
Cowering, the peasant replied, "P-p-please accept my apologies, ma'am,  
no offense meant! I - I- I was only stating that a killing of such skill could easily be attributed one having the deadly skills of the assassin's trade. It's not often we see your kind 'round these parts. I do apologize, ma'am." "HMPH! Very well then, but do not soon forget that the next insult you fling my way may very well be your last!" She snorted while berating him with her index finger. "Sayyyy, what are you on all about anyways? Who keeled over?" "Why, it was the good folks in the house right that way." The man pointed nervously in the direction of the house from which they had robbed the night before. "Some brigand broke in at the witching hour,  
and did in the good sir and his family, he did. Buckets of blood, from what we've been told. Whoever did it killed the man of the house, his wife and his wee daughter of 5 years. I can't believe a man could do such a thing, killing a child and woman and all. Even left the house a shambles, ain't nothing in there what hasn't been overturned or busted open." Taffi, her eyes widening, quickly turned to her beloved and whispered ,"You didn't have anything to do with this, did you?" "No, of course not, but whoever did either wants us on the run, or wanted something in that house they could not find." The townsmen slipped away, unnoticed, but relieved. Taffi chewed on the end of one of her pigtails thoughtfully. "What would they be looking for, certainly noone likes salami that much!" "No, I doubt that very much. However, I did steal a trinket that looked to be of some value. I couldn't imagine it being worth all that much though unless….unless…." He paused for a minute, letting the realization of what had transpired last night hit him… They stared at the seemingly harmless bauble dangling from his long fingers.  
"OH, DEAR, SWEET GOD-PORING! Hel's Breath?? The ancient and powerful amulet which can be used as part of a necromancy spell to summon an army of the undead, thus granting the user to rule over the land with an iron fist??" Taffi-Fu and Muad'Dib said together at the same time. They stared at it, aghast. "Heh, great minds think alike, eh? Well, it looks like we've got two choices. We get rid of it now. If we don't, we're off to fight whoever this necromancer is, before he figures out that you have the amulet,  
sweetums." Taffi-Fu exclaimed. Muad'Dib still could not understand why a spoiled rich girl had left her lavish townhouse for the hard life on the road. This life never offered any rest for weary travelers, but he was glad she had, she was the light of his life; it was an understatement to say she was the best thing to ever happen to him.  
"Yes, we will be, and unfortunately finding the culprit may involve speaking with more of the "good people" of this town. Ugh." Muad'Dib replied. He disliked these soft town folk, milling around like sheep.  
The only thing he hated more than them, was the idea of actually having to talk to them. He seemed unwilling to give up his prize.  
"Yes I know what you mean, I should have slit that man's throat, on principle alone! Imagine him characterizing us good sins as ruthless killers who slit people's throats for the slightest infraction!  
Harrumph!" She pouted a bit, miffed at the missed opportunity to draw blood "Maybe we should see if we can find any kind of clues around the house before we ask questions. I'd love to get out of here without talking to the rest of the village idiots any further." "Sounds like a good idea, Fu-cutie." With that they walked into the back alley next to them, and then snuck to the back of the house, the same way they had gotten in the last night. The back door looked same as they had last seen it, and Fu tested the knob. "That's odd, I think we forgot to lock it when we left last night,  
and now it's locked again!" Muad'Dib replied, "Whoever did this was a real pro... He locked the door behind him to mislead the police into thinking the point of entry was somewhere else. Most likely in the front of this house there'll be a broken window or two. What's this…." A shiny object in the back alley caught his attention. "Holy crap! I know who did this, sweetie!" "Someone who forgets to put things back in their place after they use them?" Fu asked, teasing her love. One lovely, amethyst eyebrow peaked,  
sarcasticly.  
"Well, perhaps, I don't know him that well, but this knife… See this inscription of a venomous snake in the hilt? Well, leaving this sort of knife at the crime scene is surely the work of a man I worked with once.  
His trademark. We did a job together, the kind of job that most merchs don't take unless they are nuts, or very skilled, or both. This guy is both, he enjoys killing and is always quite deft at it. The last time I saw him, he was slitting the throat of some poor old woman who may have seen us eliminate the target. "After that I got in an argument with him and well….Let's just say that I left him bleeding in the street, I assumed he was dead at the time. I should have made sure. Now, we're working against a psycho with a grudge against me." Muad'dib gritted his teeth, disgusted.  
"Thank you, Captain Exposition. Let's hope they shorten that in the manga version!" Fu said sarcasticly, breaking the 4th wall.  
"OK. Still in a bad mood I suppose? We should go off and bop some monsters before hunting down the man who hired Steve the slayer. The client must have been quite well off, Steve demands a high price for his bounties, and is worth the money." "Well good! That narrows our search! The wealthiest man in this region is Baron Von Claustbrussel. He has an eccentric mad man castle thingy going on up in the hills. What he'd want with an amulet related to Necromancy is beyond me, though.. My father had dealings with him in the past, and my father does not suffer Necromancers well." "Who does, my little sweetums? I think we all loathe the undead, and those who conjure them." "Well, some people do fancy that necromancer Naga the Serpent. But those people are perverts most likely." Fu referred to the infamously ineffective, and quite mad foe of the legendary Lina Inverse.  
"Right. Hon, I've just got to tell you, sometimes it seems like you are from another astral plane and have been sent by the Gods just for me." Muad'dib stated as he walked off down the alleyway off to the mountains to which Fu must have reffered to earlier. She smiled slightly, as she stalked along after him, taking two steps to for each of his long strides.  
After much walking, a picnic lunch, and some more walking, they found a large castle tucked away in the mountains insert thing with other party of heroes  
Chapter 3  
"YOU FOOL! How DARE YOU come back here telling me the amulet was not in its proper place! My spies reported it as being there! and my spies know better than to report falsely. I demand an explanation at the very least!" The Baron shouted from his huge throne which could easily seat 2 men. The room was huge, words echoed into the darkness which encompassed the walls. The weak light from the candelabras gave off some soft lighting in the middle of the room, setting off the vibrant thread of gold weave in the foreign rug before the throne. Steve studied it,  
pricing it. It was easier on the eyes than the quivering girth of Claustbrussel.  
"Oh, fancy my rug, do you, Steve? It came to me at some cost, from a merchant who had traveled all the way from Morroc, it came from lands beyond our own... Now the explanation is in order!" The Baron barked again, then took a long sip from his wine goblet, soothing his throat which had become sore from all the chastising of servants all the day long. His fleshy face darkened with displeasure. He had no time for such incompetence.  
"I'm very sorry sir, but the amulet was not there! However, there were some slight signs of intrusion, and by the looks of it that person had most likely taken the amulet, perhaps only hours before I came into the site where it was supposed to be", Steve stated. In his mind he was thinking about how the rug was more likely to be a cheap imitation purchased from Pier 1. What a joke this man is! He thinks he's so refined but really, he's just some shabby little kinglet!  
"DAMNATION! HELL FIRE! I demand the head of the disco king! Bring me the head of the disco king!" Baron shouted impotently, his rolls jiggling.  
"The hell are you on about then? What is this "disco" you speak of?" Steve asked, sincerely puzzled by the fat man's odd reference note:  
bring me the disco king - david bowie. "Ummmm, nothing. You'll see in a few millennia. At any rate, have you any idea to who may have the amulet at this time? Any clues left behind,  
perhaps," the baron prodded. "Why yes actually.." An evil gleam entered his eyes. "I have a pretty good idea of who it is….OH HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" He laughed, putting his hand next to his mouth in a way not quite befitting of a man. "Oh, I love a good laugh! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO", laughed the baron, just as ridiculous looking, in fact more so with his fat shaking all about.  
Later that night….  
"Damn this is starting to become tiresome walking along this long mountain path. Why do these eccentric rich people always have to live up in the hills anyways? Why can't they live in a nice suburb where they would be close to good shopping and jobs but not have to deal with the inner city life?" Muad'Dib asked himself...not tired yet, his stamina allowed him to walk much greater distances, but this didn't mean he liked walking.  
"Oh sweetheart, it's just their way. It probably helps keep them away from the paparazzi, and the land prices are pretty cheap way out here.  
You don't become rich by spending money, after all, unless you happen to be J. Lo." Taffi explained matter of factly.  
"Well that makes sense……" Muad'Dib's voice trailed off as his thoughts were disturbed by the appearance of an old enemy. There he was, slick and ugly. Steve. "It seems we meet again, my old friend. And who's the young lady? Why have you never introduced her to me before? It makes me feel like we aren't such good friends. By the way, what a catch! I see you're really robbing the cradle this time!" Steve haughtily stated all this with his hands on his hips, looking overly confident, as always. He leered at the pair, unbothered by their measuring glares.  
"DAMN YOU! You were never my friend or ally, I simply had to put up with you for a mission and even then you wore on my nerves," spat Muad'dib.  
"I really thought you were dead but I made the mistake of not finishing you off! And, by the way, it's not like that we are both very much in love!" He glared at the oily little man. How was he still alive?  
"Actually….you did kill me. I was cast down unto Hel and there I met Loki. He would give me my life back as long as I killed you, and some others, who would have an important role in the coming war which will tear this world asunder. Needless to say I jumped at the chance of doing the same favor you did for me so long ago. Now shall we posture any further or shall we fight?" The two duelists stared into each others eyes, one full of hatred and evil from the world beyond Midgard, the other full of righteous determination to protect his new love, and defeat his old enemy.  
Muad'dib strapped on his faithfull katars, and assumed the crouching tiger stance. Steve just stood there, like a moron, his short sword remained in his sheath.  
"What's wrong, afraid to exchange blows? Not willing to do any killing anymore? You've gone soft. That wench has softened you up, hasn't she?" At that moment Taffi-Fu got out some of her throwing knives and aimed one for the fool's throat. Her breathing was ragged and her face flushed with rage. She stood ready, muscles clenching. Her beloved leaped at his foe, arms extended, deadly blades seeking warm flesh.  
"DAMN YOU! I WILL NOT TOLERATE THAT SORT OF INSULT, FOR THAT YOU WILL SUFFER!" Steve quickly unsheathed his sword, and sidestepped to the left just in time to meet one of Muad'Dib's katar with a ring of steel. Quick, but not quick enough, he thought. There was a gash in the side of his belly, just under the last rib. The salty sweet smell of blood filled his flaring nostrills.  
"You are much faster than I remember, much faster. I promise you that strike will be the last you'll ever make!" Steve rushed at Muad'Dib, ready to meet his foe in a crouching position.  
Steve brought his blade down hard with a vertical strike, attempting to cleave Muad'Dib's skull in two, his strike easily met by the swift assassin's deadly blades. Steve struggled with him for several moments,  
trying to overpower his old foe with sloppy blows. Lightning blow met liquid strike as they danced. Steve had weakened in the years, he had killed many men, women, and children, but he never went after the hard targets.  
"Damnation," he thought, ducking and parrying. "I'll never win like this, he clearly is faster and stronger then me, I must find some way to use my brilliant mind. WHAT THE HEL--?" Steve's voice drowned in the gurgle of blood oozing out the wound at his throat, crimson liquid cascading down the front of his leathers. "ARgh…mghths." Steve last breaths fading as he clawed weakly at the hilt sticking from voicebox.  
"Forgot about me, did you? That is for trying to kill my husband…" Taffi-Fu stated, obviously referring to the throwing knife stuck in his throat. "And this is for calling me a wench!" With that she took the knife out of his neck and shoved it with a sickening crack into his ear,  
penetrating his brain and killing him instantly.  
Muad'Dib was staring, aghast at what had transpired. He had seen her kill a man before, but never so coldly. He was glad she had, Steve was dangerous and there was no telling what he may have had up his sleeve.  
His face was a mixture of dismay and pride.. certainly, she had learned well, but at what cost? He quickly regained his composure to embrace his Taffi-Fu tightly in his arms.  
"Oh honey, you do me proud, I've never someone with such skill with the throwing knives, save for myself." He grabbed her low and pulled her to him. Squeezing her in his strong arms, he felt her heart hammering against him.  
"Well I couldn't let you die, and I saw a good chance to get this whole thing over with quickly, so I took it, my love." With that she gave a little shrug and kissed him passionately, then reluctantly let him go.  
Muad'Dib cleaned off his blades, but left them on, as there was no telling what dangers lay ahead. The baron would surely have some henchmen around if he was as rich as Taffi had said.  
They walked arm in arm, grasping each other's hands as well as you can when both people are wearing claws.  
Chapter 4  
"Well this is the place, if memory serves. Not bad digs, eh? Little bit too gothic for me." "Yeah…definitely gothic (note: referring to the german style of architecture, not the style of clothing you buy from hot topic before listening to a Marilyn Manson CD). Not to mention big. My neck is strained from trying to see the tops of the towers here. Yeesh." The Baron's castle was huge. The walls were at least 50 yards high, and the parapets were taller than that, two near the front. This was a mighty fortification indeed. But not a soul to be seen. There must have been guards somewhere, must have been some kind of soldiers to protect this fortress of doom, but neither Muad'Dib nor Taffi-Fu could see any soul stirring. (NOTE: Help with the architecture description please? I'm drawing a blank here….maybe later on I'll do it…)  
"That's odd, it seems like no one around. I find that highly illogical." Muad'Dib wondered aloud. This total lack of life disturbed him.  
Certainly, such a rich man would have serfs. "Damn it all, Spock, always going on about logic! You vulcans are a test you are!" Taffi teasingly scolded Mu.  
"Spock? I know not of him. Is he somewhat like those long lived and always logical Elves?" Mu was sometimes puzzled by Taffi.  
"Yeah…something like that. Anyhow, lets go ahead and go in, since noone is here to welcome us!" With that, Taffi-Fu pulled the wide and aged doors apart with a creak,  
they had not been used often and most likely wouldn't even work if it hadn't been for the fact a visitor had just left earlier that day. (ED NOTE: see last chapter)  
"Lets run this last bit! WEEEEEE," yelled fu as she ran along in the typical ninja/assassin really fast person kind of way, leaning forward with hands trailing along. Muad'Dib had to run fast to catch up but soon was running along side his life partner. As they ran, he noticed the mushrooms growing all over the place. Mushrooms were a sure sign of decay. People had once lived here but now there was only death. This was surely the habitat of a necromancer, one who summons the dead, one who lives with the dead.  
Finally they reached the entrance to what must have been the anteroom,  
where they would most likely find the Baron von Claustbrussel. The knocker was large and quite decorative, in the shape of a lion's head.  
Muad'Dib figured what the heck and knocked twice firmly. The sound of the knock could clearly be heard by both Fu and Mu, resounding within the room on the other side. It gave the impression that it was quite a large room. After a moment, the door opened on its own. "Oooooh, cliché but still creepy, right folks?" "Who are you talking to anyways? At any rate I find bewitching of such a sort to be creepy but we must go on, surely we have found our query" Muad'dib answered her as they walked on into the room. The whole space of it could not be seen, but there were large, plain stone colums in rows in the center, creating a sort of path to the center of the room,  
where there was a dais and on top that, a large and ornate throne. Not to mention in front of the dais was an ornate rug made to look like an expensive Persian, but was obviously purchased at Pier One for a reasonable cost.  
"I was expecting you two. Taffi-Fu, I can't believe you've come to associate with such rabble, your father would be most disappointed. Well at any rate, I suspect you two have something that I would like to have.  
An amulet which wouldn't mean much to you but I could put to good use.  
I'm willing to pay handsomely for it, and will leave you two in peace forever more. The amulet is all I wish." "How much are we talking about here, 10 million zeny maybe? 20 Million?" Muad'Dib asked, dollar signs in his eyes.  
"HONEY! NO! Baron, I don't know what kind of monster you are or what you have planned but you will NOT be getting this amulet, not now nor ever!  
So long as we stand you shall not have it!" Taffi exclaimed, baring her claws in front of her.  
"Very well then, if you wish to do it the hard way, then we shall do this the hard way. Iway ummonsay ouyay, arkday orcesfay ofway ethay eyondbay, otay ightfay orfay emay! Ouryay astermay ommandscay itway!  
ARKDAY ORCESFAY, ASSEMBLEWAY!" The ground shook, bits of rubble from the ceiling of the anteroom fell upon the ground, and dust was rustled. Out of the darkness surrounding them, hordes of Zombies appeared on all sides. Decrepit creatures, green rotting flesh, some missing arms or eyes, some without all the flesh in place. Abominations against nature, walking fleshy creatures which should have stayed dead appeared to serve the great necromancer. The smell was unbearable.  
"Now, see if you can deal with these creatures! OH HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO," the Baron laughed, his girth undulating with evil glee.  
"Damn. There's a load of 'em. Lets fight back to back and hope for the best." Muad'Dib coldly stated as he steeled his nerves with the litany against fear. His heart was pumping as he went into a crouch. "Right. We can take them honey, together." She feared nothing save for being separated from her life's love, and would fight by his side, and die there if need be. Not even death would sever their bonds... The first wave encroaching upon them, they came into blades length, both spurring into action, "SONIC BLOW!!!!" Fu yelled out as she struck the first one in front of her so quick the eye could not see, ripping the creature to shreds. Meanwhile Muad'Dib did his best, swiping side to side as fast as possible. Keeping them at arms length, making sure to never let them close enough to do any damage, severing one's head,  
cutting off another's arms, cleaving another through the mid section.  
"Damnation, these creatures keep on coming, how many are there?" Taffi-Fu cried out in frustration as she neatly sliced two heads clean off one after another. "I lost count after the first 20, my dear. It seems like we may have met our end, they are in endless supply and we will tire at some point." Muad'Dib was beginning to sweat, it had been a long time since he had to fought so many foes one right after another. The undead staggered forth in endless, rotting waves.  
"HAHAHAHA, you will die! For everyone one you kill, two more are summoned. You see, although I do not have it in my hands I am able to tap into some of the power of the amulet of hel. YOU WILL FALL! When you do I shall have the amulet, and then I shall overrun the world with my armies of the undead! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The baron laughed maniacly,  
apparently undecided about what kind of evil laugh he wished to use regularly.  
"Honey, if what he says is true, this is the end….I love you, and I always will." Muad'Dib said what he thought would be his last words.  
There would be no better place to die, than at the side of his beloved. "I love you too honey, but lets not give up hope quite yet, we still have a lot of fight left in us!" Taffi sidestepped a walking corpse and lopped off the head of one fresh enough to still have blood. She was bruised and bleeding from a dozen scratches and gouges, indeed, they both were. They were getting tired, arms leaden from fighting foe after unded foe. They would make it. She bared her tiny, white teeth like a cat as she launched herself back into the fray.  
Just then a portal opened right next to our heros, blue and shimmering.  
From the glittering orb stepped a priest, two wizards, and then finally the priestess who had opened the warp portal, joining them in the space between them and the zombie horde.  
"Anyone need a heal around here?" The mysterious priestess asked,  
reaching down to both Fu and Mu. Her kind face looked down on the with concern as she began the incantations. Meanwhile, the Priest was busy whacking at one zombie, and the wizards had started on some type of spells. "FIREBALL LVL 5!" said Cid, as he finished his casting and a large ball of fire into the ocean of zombies, leaving a blackened swath of charred and twitching corpses.  
"YOU….SHALL NOT PASS! FIREWALL LVL 10!" yelled soul siphon as he thrust his staff down mightily. Walls of fire erupted around the heros, leaving only one side open which the assassins quickly faced and began to tear apart any zombies encroaching on their position.  
"I thank thee for the help, good adventurers, it's nice to have some breathing room amongst all the stink of these foul creatures. Have you any other tricks to assist us?" Muad'Dib questioned his mysterious saviors. "Why yes, we do..," the priest, Azmodie stated with a serene smile on his face "MAGNUS EXORCISM……..LVL 10!" The room was bathed in a glorious blue and white light of power, wiping any and all zombies from the presence. New ones spawned as the others shriveled to dust and fell, but even these were no match the glorious aura of the Gods summoned by the mighty priest. "Damn you all, don't think I won't forget this! I've just begun to….fight…….." The last bit struggled coming out as the Baron fell to the ground, exhausted, magical energies drained. His face was sweaty,  
bulk, sunken.. As if he had poured all of his soul into the casting. He lay there on his counterfiet rug, shuddering and gasping.  
Muad'Dib and Taffi-Fu rushed to his side, trying to figure out what would be done next. "Don't think I'll go easy on you, you tried to kill us and that isn't something I soon forgive." Taffi-Fu told him, anger causing her to shake, her voice to become unsteady. She gripped him by his filth encrusted robe and shook the fallen fat man like a dishrag. "WHO SENT YOU??" Each word was punctuated by particularly hard shake.  
"Well, would you spare me if I revealed….who….I was working for? It's someone you... know. Someone... from your past." The baron managed to force out of him, thoroughly exhausted. His froglike eyes and piggish nose were bleeding from the strain of casting. His smile was smug as he rasped at them through blood and spittle.  
"I am curious to find out. Ok then, tell me. Who is it you've been working for, building this grand army for?" Taffi felt cold.. Noo... she could feel something coming. The baron caught his second wind, semi-rejuvinated by the presence of the amulet about Muad'dib's neck. Filled with crazy energy, he cackled,"Hehehehe, you heroes are all the same, so dumb. Why it's your old step mother of course. In the past few years she's been marshalling an army of the undead with the help of necromancers such as myself,  
meanwhile she's been using your father's money to buy merchs, and weapons. Come Ragnarok she plans to play an important part in the battle of the Gods, and hopes to make sure her side will win. Thor, Odin,  
Frigg, God-Poring, the gods which you worship shall be defeated at the hands of Loki and his forces of darkness! For evil is strong, and good is dumb!" He forced out a bloody cackle, spraying Taffi with spit and blood.  
"Thanks for the info, here's your REWARD!" On that last word, Taffi-Fu thrust her katar into his blubbery chest and dragged it down, splitting him open with her claws and exposing his entrails and marbled flesh to the cold air.  
"SHIT! But you said you'd spare me.....?" the baron said with what air was left in his cleft lungs, just a hair away from death.. and then.  
Baron Heinrich Von Claustbrussel, son of Anders, minor magus, major madman was gone.  
"Yes, I did spare you, I had no problems with letting you go. My katar on the other hand, could never let you leave this place alive. Awfully sorry about that." She taunted the man as he died. Quietly, she wiped her soiled katar on what remained of his velvet robes.  
"Wow, that was cool and uncaring and whatnot. Well, guess we have to thank those people who came by to help us with those zombies…" Muad'Dib turned to see that there was nothing save for a fading warp portal and remnants of the symbols of power left twisting in the stale air. "Well.  
That saves us from any uncomfortable moments. I suppose we'll be going to your old home now." He was exhausted. Slumping, he settled on a pile of rubble that had once been the dais.  
"Oh, that's right." She spat disgustedly at the thought of that old whore. "May God-poring have mercy for that bitch, because I'm sure as hell not going to have any. So help me, if she has done anything to harm my father, there won't be enough of her left to feed to the dogs." "Well, I don't know if that will be necessary..." Muad'Dib motioned towards the remains of the baron, which had turned to ash after his passing. "If she's anything like him…"A neat trick, no doubt. "We'll need to move soon, I'm with you on that. Lead me on, hon, I shall follow!" She grabbed him around his wrists and pulled him up.  
With that they left the ante room of the castle, which although still old and stale, now felt cleaner. It was still dark, but the palpable darkness and the stench of decay that had been lifted. Soon the clean darkness of night had fallen, and our heroes decided that in spite of the urgency of their quest, they would have to make camp on the lonely dirt path etched through the mountains leading away from castle Claustbrussel.  
(END CHAPTER 4)  
Chapter 5 After a good night's sleep in the cold mountain air, our heroes woke at dawn. After a quick morning breakfast of bread and cheese the pair moved on back to town. It was a brisk hike, not tiring in the least thanks to the fact that it was all downhill, and in part because they were now on a personal quest. One which would bring them to the small hamlet where Taffi-Fu had grown up, and the house in which she had lived what seemed like a lifetime ago.  
Taffi burned with contempt for the treacherous whore, for all that Anya was the lawful wife of Elder Vandorrson. The cold bitch who had her torn from the comfort at her father's side the night her mother died. Oh,  
Mama, I miss you. I miss Papa, too. Even if I'm only a bastard and a girl, Papa was always kind to me. I won't let that hag hurt him.  
A quick stop to the weapon shop to pick up some more throwing knives,  
and then off to the butcher and the baker to get some more supplies, and they were off to the town center to find a priest capable of warping them. Luckily, they found a friendly wandering priestess by the name of MidoriNeko, who was more than happy to warp them for One Thousand zeny.  
It was well worth every bit, Gods only know what would have happened had they not arrived there in time.  
A few chanted words began their quick jaunt to the small town of Aerith, then just a few rushed steps to the old home of Taffi-fu, the Vandorrson estate. By anyone's account, it was the largest manor in all of town, it sat on the northern edge, at the end of main street. Viktor Vandorrson, lord of the manor, owned a good part of the town, and was by all accounts the most powerful person in town, and perhaps for many miles around. A wealthy land owner, he had begun as a prospector, buying a claim of land near Geffin and striking a rich vein of Eluminum. He quickly sold the land for 500 million to an established mining operation . He used that money to invest in real estate outside of Prontera, over time turning those millions into several billion.  
The large manor didn't quite live up to what one would expect of someone of such great wealth, but was still impressive nonetheless. The building was two stories tall. Muad'dib counted the the ornate windows; it looked like it had 10 rooms facing the south. A small front porch framed the door, a twining honeysuckle canopy offering shade to those waiting to enter. A rocking chair was sitting on the porch as well, although it was dusty from lack of use in recent times. It was a simple facade, but the woodwork showed loving craftsmanship. Muad'Dib was still taking it all in, amazed by the beauty of the building. Taffi-Fu mumbled something about killing that damn bitch, and ran right in, slamming the door behind her. "Wait for me, will you--?" The last bit trailed off as Muad'Dib saw her disappear into the building. Frustrated with her lack of patience, as well as lack of discipline, he tried to open the door. It would not budge an inch. He pulled as hard as he could, and it still would not budge. Judging by the sound it made when it slammed behind Fu, his katars would do nothing to the solid mahogany slab. He quickly found a window off to the left, and attempted to thrust his claw into it, but to his surprise, the blow was deflected with a HWONG.  
"Damn. Must be a magic force field of some kind. Whoever cast this spell must have protected the entire house, or else it wouldn't be worth it.  
I'll just have to wait and see if Fu can figure a way from the inside to let me in. I hate this, but I know with what I've taught her she can take care of herself. I just hope she doesn't let her anger take over,  
and get sloppy." Muad'Dib patiently sat down, legs crossed, outside the front door, watching it intently for any movement. After some time he noticed a faint purple tinge around all the house, most likely a visual sign of the barrier, he would have to wait for a weakness in the field.  
Meanwhile, inside Taffi-Fu was not concerned with magic barriers, was not concerned with anything except the destruction of her father's wife,  
and saving the lives of her dear ones. If Lotty got in her way, she would have to be dealt with as well.  
It wasn't long before she met up with her half sister, Charlotte, on the way up the stairs. Taffi-Fu was shocked to see her sister out of her usual dress. She had always favored a demure and traditional garb.  
Better to hide her true nature, Taffi sniffed. Instead, she was clad in something a harlot would wear; a small, skimpy red top barely covering her bossom and exposing her mid drift. Her shorts were red and leather ,  
cut unseemly short, and extraordinarily tight. Her long, red leather boots with 4 inch heels creaked as she sauntered up. There was something.. wrong with her.  
"Well, you always were a slut, dear sister," Taffi spat. "I'm not surprised at all to find you here looking like this. Now if you don't mind, please kindly move so I may kill your mother. If you haven't figured it out by now, she presents a great danger to our father, and possibly the whole world. Now move bitch, get out the way!" She gave a vicious attempt to backhand Charlotte with her left hand. Taffi had underestimated her sister, who had apparently become much less weak and insipid over recent months. Charlotte grabbed Taffi's wrist, shocking Fu, but not enough to keep her from twisting in her sister's grip,  
slashing her in the arm in the process. Fu lunged to cut Charlotte's hand, unfortunately, the sneaky little creature of darkness took a quick step back with her right foot, quickly snatching her hand back from the furious assassin.  
"Dear sister, I shall not be defeated so easily, neither shall I back down and allow you to kill my beloved mother. I care nothing of our foolish father, he should not have gotten in her way, the same for our idiot brother. If you wish to fight me over it, I shall kill you. I would suggest you leave here now and forget about any of this if you wish to live past the next few minutes." Charlotte punctuated that with a flip backwards, landing herself in the upstairs hallway, where they would have a bit more room to fight, and reached behind her back, baring her dual tanto with a flourish before settling into a crouch, blades pointing towards the ceiling. Taffi-Fu leaped toward her demonic sister, reaching to her belt quicker than the eye could follow to launch a throwing knife straight towards her sister's chest. Without enough room or time to dodge, Charlotte was forced to deflect it with the blade in her left hand, leaving her exposed for just a moment, the moment Fu was landed in front of her. Fu blocked the blade in Charlotte's right hand with her left claw and kicked out to the right, loosening Charlotte's grip on the deadly blade and sending it flying. Fu thrust out her right claw toward her dear sister's chest… Operating on reflex and near panic, Charlotte attempted to stop Fu's claws by blocking with her weaponless left hand. She soon realized the mistake as Fu's razor sharp claws slid clean through bone and muscle. It bought her some time, but her hand was ripped to dogmeat as Fu swiped back and to the right to remove her deadly claw from her sister's hand.  
She bounced up, forcing her kneeguard into Charlotte's chin on her way up to standing position.  
Taffi regarded Charlotte with a slightly sad look in her eyes. "You are badly injured, and will surely within moments. Because of the father we share, I will give you an out. Give up now, Lotty, or there will be no mercy." Fu quickly explained to her sister, who now had what remained of her left hand tucked in her armpit, trying to staunch the flow. She still had a good right though, armed and ready to strike out with her last breath.Charlotte had bitten thru her lower lip, it too bled.  
"Damn you, you don't know my Mother. Anything you can do to me would be a pleasant afternoon compared to what she would do to me if I let you pass alive….We must finish THIS!" Charlotte struck out with all the energy she had, attempting to slice open Fu's throat, but Fu easily slid to her right, catching the blade in her left claw, then took a step forward. Her beloved sister was no more with a horizontal slice to the jugular. A bloody mess, Charlotte fell to the ground in a pool of her own blood, there was more outside of the body than there was inside, by now. Stepping over the crumpled body of her half sister, and avoiding stepping in the pool of blood around the body, Taffi-Fu pressed on. The house was dark, a foul darkness, much like the darkness they had felt in castle Claustbrussel. Fu was not thinking about the past though, she was barely even thinking about the present, or she would have noticed that Muad'Dib was nowhere to be found. The rage was still over her, hot and sharp, growing with each step. She slowly walked down the corridor, feet pounding the floor, blood still pumping behind her eyes. She went straight to the end of the hallway, to the large master bedroom suite,  
which she correctly guessed would be Anya's lair. Hoping to take her by surprise, Fu kicked the door down and rushed in,  
to find a darkened room, shades drawn, several candles were burning,  
surrounding the bed on which Anya sat. While her sister's appearance was simply whoreish, her step mother's was worse. Her skin seemed to have a red tinge to it, it looked to be smooth and leathery, her ears were pointy and impish, her nails were small black shortened points which looked more like claws than nails. She also wore short black shorts, her legs were completely hairless, and on her feet were the same claws as on her hands. In fact, the only hair was on her head, long black hair which went halfway down her back. Her face….she had always had the typical anglo features, a small nose, a pointed chin, but now those features seemed…more accented, perhaps it was the ears but it seemed there was a v shape formed from her chin to the tips of her ears. If she was not a demon, Taffi-Fu didn't know what one was.  
"The fact you are here tells me that my daughter has failed me. She was my most valued follower, and for her death you will suffer. You will wish that you had died at her hands, for now you shall see your lover tortured at my hands. I have some new ideas that even I have yet to use to torture you pitiful beings, and I think they shall be quite effective." At this point Fu realized that she had not seen Muad'Dib behind her, he must not have been able to get inside….her step mother must have bewitched the house to keep him out. DAMMIT! I have failed….I shall still fight as hard as I can, I need to keep her from harming the love of my life. We still need to make a life for ourself, we need to have a house and children and the whole deal.  
"DAMN you to the hell you came from bitch, I will never allow you to touch my husband so long as there is breath in my lungs, come, stand Anya and feel the fury of my claws!" Fu crossed her arms, the claws in front of her face.  
"Just so you know, the name is Melalchacanth, and you will not have a choice in the manner!" With that, Melalachacanth sprung from the edge of the bed, reaching out with her hands, hissing with saliva dripping from her mouth. Fu stared right into the demon woman's eyes, full of fire, as she ducked down, avoiding her step mother's claws, and jabbed up into her warm belly. Had Anya been a mortal being, the claws would have ripped into her,  
emptying her intestines onto the ground. But her demonic armor deflected the hit with ease, bending Fu's blades back.  
"OH HOHOHOHOHO, you silly little cunt, you cannot kill me so easily!" The ancient demon woman hit Fu in the back of the head hard, knocking her out. The last thing Fu thought was not of her own fate, but of her husband's. "Oh god….what have I led you to…please God, help him…." A few minutes after Fu had been knocked out, Muad'Dib noticed the door had lost its purple glow. Muad'Dib, a man who knows the tools for the job, had on his katar of the cold icicle, a single bladed katar enchanted with the water element. He had to guess at the element which Anya may control, but he knew the single blade would be needed if he wished to pierce a demon's skin. Closing the door behind him, Muad'Dib ran as quickly as he could, hoping to find Fu before she could be harmed. He found the body in the hallway on the second floor, and was proud of her work. The fight had gone in Fu's favor, as neither of the enemies tantos had any of Fu's blood on them. He knew this dead girl was a servant of Anya's, and he thought it prudent to take one of the blades, just in case his katar failed, perhaps the tonto would not, if imbued with the demon's own magic.  
Muad'Dib knew he must be close, he could feel the powerful demon must have been hiding in one of these rooms. He found the doors to the master bedroom, it was the grandest looking doors out of all the whole upstairs. There were gold inlays in the shapes of vines and flowers,  
altogether a disgusting display of wealth. Muad'Dib did not like entering closed doors, there was no knowing what was on the other side,  
and it left him exposed. He had to do it though, he could hear no struggling on the other side, so he was scared for Fu. Back to the door on his left, he turned the knob on the other door, and pushed it in, he waited a second for flying arrows, then slid over and ran into the room.  
He was a bit shocked to see a demon there, in all her evil trappings. "I was expecting you. I'm sure you know now I had been keeping you out until I had restrained your life's love. Now I shall beat you, then I shall torture you to death in front of her. Of course I need not say I shall kill her later on. You both shall suffer fully before death,  
before being separated in the afterlife." She allowed herself a small cackle after motioning to the now helpless Taff-Fu, as she was chained to the wall, arms and legs spread out. Next to her were some manacles,  
waiting for another captor. Waiting for Muad'Dib.  
"The hell you will, you psycho bitch, I'll eviscerate you like I've done so many times before. I give not a fuck that you are a demon, demons are mortal creatures too, and thus shall die as any other mortal creature that has raised my ire. You had better make your peace, for you shall soon be at peace!" Muad'Dib rushed into battle, rolling then springing up, katars swinging up with him. Mel's great strength overpowered him easily though, grabbing him at the wrists, she pulled him up helplessly as his legs dangled, she kneed him in the groin. She dropped him on the ground as he writhed in pain.  
"Come now, don't force me to hurt you any further, I want to have as much fun torturing you as possible. Now be a good boy and give up." "Never, you crazy hell bitch, I will kill you soon enough!" Muad'Dib had recovered from the severe blow, and did a sweep kick to her behind her knees, dropping the foul creature onto her back. "The bigger they are,  
the harder they fall." Muad'Dib lept up and landed katars first onto the demonic creatures chest. The blades penetrated her deeply, glowing blue with their elemental enchantment as they drew the wretched creature's green blood, spilling onto the ground. She was genuinely shocked as she looked into his eyes, she had never been harmed so badly by a mortal man. How did he know she could be harmed by a water elemental weapon!  
Now she was pissed.  
Melalchacanth was now in a fight for her life, she pushed him off of her with all the force she could muster, Muad'Dib flew into the ceiling, the dropped straight to the floor. His entire body ached. He surely had some broken bones. He had no feeling in his legs. His arms…..didn't work quite right. He….he couldn't get up. His body would not allow it. All of it was over now. His entire life had been pain until he had met up with Fu, the only kindness, and the greatest kindness. Now so soon after being united, they would be split. He would die here at the hands of this demon woman, he knew this because he was not one to give up until a situation was helpless, and this situation was. "Now, you wretched little insect, I will torture what is left of your body to death, and then I shall kill your dear sweet little Fu. You two shall never see each other again, you shall be damned to the pits of hell which I am from, and Fu shall go on to the halls of Valhalla. OH HOHOHOHOHOHO!" "The hell….are you…..talkingabout…I've done so much good….the gods must favor me…" Muad'Dib sputtered, blood running out of his mouth.  
"Oh that is rich. You have any idea how many innocent people you've killed, just to make a quick buck? How could the Gods ever forgive you for such deeds? I'll see you in hell!" Melalchacanth taunted him as she turned him over to rest on his back and began to tear at his skin lightly with her nails. The pain was horrible, the small injuries burned with fire as if they had been poisoned. Most likely there was poison involved.  
Muad'Dib now went into the recesses of his own mind, he prayed to Frigg to keep him and his love together, to give him the strength it would take to kill the vile beast. The patron of marriage and motherhood, the goddess of love, surely she would help him if any of the race of Aesir would. All he could do was ask for help to help himself as the demon woman further tormented his poor body. His chest a mess of scars, all aching, it looked like it would be the end for our heroes…but then Muad'Dib's pain began to wane, he could feel strength coursing through his legs, his arms, his wounds closed….he glowed with a blue white light, his eyes were nothing but light blue glowing orbs, glowing with a flame of justice, a power granted from the great wife of Odin. She spoke to him "You will only have this power a short while, my son. It will allow you to achieve what would not be possible without my help, now you may slay this foul abomination and send it back to Hel." Muad'Dib stood up slowly, full of righteous anger, his entire body surrounded by an aura, hair standing straight up. He pointed one finger towards the now awed and cowering demon woman. "The time has come for you to die." With that, Muad'Dib moved faster than the eye could see, and faster than Melalchacanth could respond, he got in close and began a flurry of jabs to her chest, more than 100 strikes within less than a second. Her insides torn asunder, green blood splattered all around the room, Mel reeled in pure agony. Muad'Dib wound up with his right, and followed through with a huge blow, the likes of which no mortal man could normally be capable, as her head was separated clean from her body and spiked upon Muad'Dib's jur. Little more than a second after the head was separated from the body, it all disintegrated to ashes. The demon woman Melalchacanth, known by some as Anya, would hopefully never be seen by a man again. Muad'Dib then used what was left of the power from the gods to destroy the manacles holding Fu in place, and she hugged him close and apologized and promised to never venture off without him again. Of course no apology was needed, he forgave her immediately. The important thing is that they were together again, both safe…..for now… 


End file.
